Monday, April 25, 2016
Tomorrow's the start of my first paper.
Feeling a little sick, stressed and confused at the same time.
What do i really want?
Recently i have no mood to do anything. The only thing i want to do is nothing.
Yet, day after day i force myself to study, force myself to talk to people.
Sometimes, i force myself to be someone i no longer am.
I wish that part of me would come back.
I want to be the happy person again, to be able to cheer people up and make people laugh.
There's a lot of joy in seeing people i love being happy.
It can be momentary, it can be fake but maybe the more a person smiles and laughs, the easier it is to convince himself that he hasn't fell that far.
TV shows, games and a lot of other things i used to do, don't feel the same anymore.
I don't feel satisfied doing it, i don't enjoy it. It's different now.
Maybe i'm in the midst of discovering myself again.
After exams, i think i'm gonna look for quiet places to chill and getaway for a bit.
I've never liked the idea of being alone. I like having company.
That's why i crave for it so much that i failed to feel comfortable by myself.
Loneliness can be a beautiful thing and i'm not being emo here.
It can be if a person sees the good in it.
Sometimes i wonder, would things be different if there was someone i can turn to?
Would i really be happier, or would i still be stuck in the same rut as i am now?
Maybe?
Well, it's not like i can do anything about it right now.
Even if there was someone, it's not like that someone would feel the same way too.
I guess i'm just ranting because i'm feeling a little tired and all the exam stress is really getting onto me.
Please just let me survive the next four days.
"I wanna know what it'd be like
To find perfection in my pride
To see nothing in the light
And turn it off, in all my spite.
In all my spite, i'll turn it off."
Brian
12:27 AM
