Monday, February 1, 2016
I wished i didnt see or read any of the things i saw.
You're thinking i didnt accept you for who you are.
If i didn't, would i even feel that way towards you?
Would i even have tried so hard to want to fix things?
It was just that one thing that didnt allow me to do what my heart wanted to do.
But the truth is, i'm the one who is guilty.
I'm the reason why you're feeling this way.
If you're angry at me, if you resent me, it's okay.
I deserve this.
I'm just disappointed that i didnt get to show you who is this God that i believe in.
I didnt get to show you why this mattered so much to me.
I cant change the way you think anymore.
You will always think that i dont accept you for who you are.
My words will never mean anything to you, it will all be fake in your eyes.
I was willing and ready to give up so much for a person i cared about.
But i never got a chance to show you that side of me.
Brian
12:42 PM
It's not easy to be strong.
I've been wanting to find ways to numb the pain.
Most of them aint working.
I went for reunion dinners the past two days.
It isn't a surprise when relatives will ask the age old question to someone who is already 24.
Of course i'd said no and they'll question more.
I've pictured us in many scenarios, this was one of em.
I wanted to be able to tell other people that you were someone to me.
But now, it's the complete opposite.
I ask myself everyday, what if there's no one else?
I'm not a person that girls will like, i'm better off as a good friend to most.
I don't know why you even feel the way you did.
This is why i'm scared.
There might not come another one like you.
So how do i give this up so easily? It's impossible.
You still mean a lot to me.
And i don't know what i can do to make this pain go away.
I promise i wont write posts like this too often, i dont want to burden you too.
I just want you to be happy, even if it's at the cost of mine.
It's okay, i'm fine.
Brian
12:30 AM
