Philippians 1:21English Standard Version (ESV) 21 For to meto live is Christ, and to die is gain.
A question was being posed to the whole sunday school class yesterday. Fill in the blanks. 'For to me to live is ____, and to die is ____.' i thought about that answer. The first blank wasn't entirely Christ.
Yes, i'm not completely over it. But seriously, how can i be? So everyday i struggle. It's like when someone is trying to catch a fish, there's two types of reactions. One will be that the fish struggles to escape the net, the other is to let the net swoop it up. The first reaction is what a normal fish would do. What about the second? That only happens when the fish is dead. I wouldn't consider myself dead to Christ because i'm still struggling. Some people might think struggling is a bad thing. Cos you're going through something bad and you must feel awful, blahblahblah. It's not entirely bad, and i definitely don't see it as a bad thing. This was the difference in perspectives that i told you about. Maybe you didn't see how i'm struggling means i'm trying to let go. It's not easy, it's not supposed to. I think you got scared because you didn't see this part of me before. I can understand that. I struggle and that reminds me that i'm still alive.
Everyday is a war, a war with myself. Talking to you didn't make it worse, neither did the inability of you treating me as a friend make it better. But i know this is a war worth fighting, because God sent His only Son down to earth two thousand years ago to die for the people He so loved. I feel unworthy to be loved by a human, let alone God. And so, because He loved me first, i ought to reciprocate in a way that He deserves. That means to deny myself of a lot of the things that i want.
Being a Christian is not easy. Nobody ever said it was.
