Saturday, January 16, 2016
I tried so hard and got so far
But it the end it doesn't even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
But in the end it doesn't even matter
I'm trying hard everyday.
Trying hard to live each day as it is.
Trying to make the best outta everyday.
It isn't easy when you're unhappy,
When you're pessimistic about a lot of things.
I'm not talking about significant things that happens in my life.
I'm talking about the little things, missing trains, card isnt working when i'm trying to tap through the gantry, having to lug home a A3-size drawing pad back home all the way from NTU.
Every single thing that can go wrong, goes wrong.
Really?
Nope.
It's all in the perspective.
When i'm complaining, am i saying that God's not in control? Yes.
When i hate everything about life, am i saying that i'm not happy that God saved me from spending an eternity in hell? Yes.
When i don't try my best in something, am i saying that God is not worth enough for me to put my all in doing it so that i can glorify Him? Yes.
I had to take a really big fall last year.
Yes we all know that really well. (At least yall think yall do.)
I lost everything.
Or at least it felt like i did.
It's better now.
It's almost like i got a consolation prize.
But in the end, i can't really say it doesn't matter.
Everything matters to me, even the small things.
Sometimes i just need assurance of how much i matter to other people.
Cos right now, self worth is at an all time low.
I don't think i am good enough for anything.
Am i even good at anything?
Everyone likes to hear praises once in awhile, don't they?
For me? Nah i dont have to hear praises.
When i do things for others, i dont need any repayment.
I just want you to appreciate what i did for you.
Now, that's all i truly want and need.
Brian
1:32 AM
