Wednesday, November 18, 2015
Somehow today was slightly worse than yesterday.
Not being able to sleep at night is affecting my day.
I can't get all these outta my head.
I wanna make things right, wanna make it up to you as much as i can, no matter how small that may be.
I'm not posting everyday because i know you're reading.
I just feel it's a place that i can rant on without having to worry what people will say to me.
Not immediately at least.
I used to rant to you a lot.
I wasn't afraid of what you'll say, i wanted your opinion because it mattered a lot to me.
I know that there are many others who are reading this.
Truthfully, i'm not bothered by that at all.
All i wanted, was for you to know how i really felt.
There are still many things i want to tell you, many questions i want to ask you.
I really hope i get that chance soon.
I just hope that you'll give me that chance when the day comes.
Right now, i really have to focus on my finals.
It's just hard to focus when all i want to think about is the day i'll talk to you again.
But i said i would focus, so i'll try my best.
I'm still too immature at controlling my feelings.
Whoever said that guys feels less, i totally disagree.
I wanted to be heartless and forget about this whole thing, just like most guys would.
That's not me, my heart doesn't allow me to.
At the same time, i love you too much to talk to you again.
Because talking to you, will only mean that i'll hurt you again.
I don't know what's the right thing to do anymore.
I'll figure it out when finals are over.
I have to keep my word to you.
There's just been too many things i said i would do, but it didn't happen in the end.
I've broken far too many promises that i've made to you.
If only..
-Day 72-
Brian
12:14 AM
