Saturday, February 25, 2012
:D so i'm back and blogging now. RT was fun i guess. Although there wasn't free time so we didn't get to practise for company games. Nonetheless, it was good cos i booked out earlier :D I don't know if i have said this here already but tekong is actually a good place to be in. The thing that i hate is the regimentation and 'discipline' issues. Shouldn't be talking too much about army here but pardon me, Please allow me to rant. Just abit.
This week was tough. Very tough. It was totally different from the life that i used to have in my daily life. In a way, i was experiencing things i've never experienced, but thing is, i don't like it. Yeah yeah, i have no choice so i just have to tahan through all these. At the end of the day, what do i get from all these things that i have to undergo? Will i really be more disciplined? Will i really want to serve the nation? Am i thirsty for a fight? Honestly, i don't know. Then again, i don't ever wanna be in a war. i will most probably shoot myself dead first before witnessing all the horror and trauma a war abundantly provides.
Then comes the things about growing up. Will i be able to grow up for real this time? In thinking and in actions. I'm really afraid that i might change too much that i'll lose the idea that i have of myself. What will i really learn in army that i can take away with me so that it stays forever, something that i can use to glorify God and not myself. Field camp is coming up really soon. After this week will be field camp already. It really is something i don't want to go through, but i know i have to. 6 Days, is all it'll take from me. Kinda afraid, kinda want it to be over and done with. Argh, it's the same as throwing a grenade. I'll just have to rely on Him to lead me through these six days.
Upcoming is using a SAR21, kinda afraid as well, but as long as i don't do anything stupid it's gonna be fine. Actually i kinda like the live firing stuff. hmm. Cos usually when you're waiting for your turn, you get to slack. It has been a good wait for my grenade, really. I got to talk to this guy from platoon 1, called ethan, if that's how u spell his name. He was reading the Bible as well when we were waiting for our turn. He's anglican though, so its different from FCF. Got the chance to talk to him about speaking in tongues, christmas, and good friday those kinda stuff. Shared alot with him and i really thank God for that. The talk with him really gave me a sense of comfort before going into the throwing bay. Thinking that our God is really in control of everything, i was less scared. My heart didn't beat as fast as i thought it would. It could've been faster haha.
I gotta say i really thank God for this week, although it has been the most tiring week so far, there were many things that i've learnt. There's just one thing left that i gotta learn, learning how to let go. It's a part of growing up as well i guess. We'll see how it goes. Sometimes i really feel that there are some things better left unsaid. And straight after that, i'll regret.
Oh well, gotta go sleep soon, there's church tomorrow and i'm thinking of going church early to do some proper QT which i haven't been doing for the past few days. Dear God, i really thank You for guiding me through this week, it has been tough but i have felt your presence with me throughout my daily life. This is a time when i really rely on God everyday, every moment, please help me not to forget this need for You. Please.
Brian
9:45 PM
