Sunday, February 26, 2012
Army is taking so much time away from my time such that i can't meet up with people as often to talk to them anymore, and everyone's so busy, so i guess that explains why i'm saying more things here than ever. Making it a point to go for church every week and going for choir as well. Sometimes i really feel super tired but i know if i don't go, i'll regret it. Its time for me to go eat and leave for pasir ris. Sucky feeling. Ergh.
Time will be the remedy. I hope.
Brian
4:27 PM
Choir just ended. Time to go back home and prepare for book in once again. Always will be a sian feeling when i gotta book in. This week will be over very fast though, hopefully. IPPT on thursday though, let me get at least a silver so i dont have to go back for rt! Need to get some stuff during the next book out as well also. Oh and btw, i got new nicknames in army =.= both with the initials DB. Diarrhoea boy and dreamy boy. So lame right! Diarrhoea boy because i was the first person to get diarrhoea in my company. With an epic 28visits to the toilet in a single day. As for dreamy boy, its just lame. I got sleepy eyes and 4 sergeants said i was sleeping when i was wide awake! Retarded. I really got sleepy eyes! Haha this week got live range and hopefully everything ends fast, cos there's night firing as well. Also, Alevel results are out this week. I know i'll do badly, question is, how badly? I know i'll need to collect my results with a thankful heart but there's a trace of regret in my heart as well. Once again, i blame myself for not working hard enough. I just seek for His forgiveness and that He will tide me through this week.
Brian
3:20 PM
Saturday, February 25, 2012
:D so i'm back and blogging now. RT was fun i guess. Although there wasn't free time so we didn't get to practise for company games. Nonetheless, it was good cos i booked out earlier :D I don't know if i have said this here already but tekong is actually a good place to be in. The thing that i hate is the regimentation and 'discipline' issues. Shouldn't be talking too much about army here but pardon me, Please allow me to rant. Just abit.
This week was tough. Very tough. It was totally different from the life that i used to have in my daily life. In a way, i was experiencing things i've never experienced, but thing is, i don't like it. Yeah yeah, i have no choice so i just have to tahan through all these. At the end of the day, what do i get from all these things that i have to undergo? Will i really be more disciplined? Will i really want to serve the nation? Am i thirsty for a fight? Honestly, i don't know. Then again, i don't ever wanna be in a war. i will most probably shoot myself dead first before witnessing all the horror and trauma a war abundantly provides.
Then comes the things about growing up. Will i be able to grow up for real this time? In thinking and in actions. I'm really afraid that i might change too much that i'll lose the idea that i have of myself. What will i really learn in army that i can take away with me so that it stays forever, something that i can use to glorify God and not myself. Field camp is coming up really soon. After this week will be field camp already. It really is something i don't want to go through, but i know i have to. 6 Days, is all it'll take from me. Kinda afraid, kinda want it to be over and done with. Argh, it's the same as throwing a grenade. I'll just have to rely on Him to lead me through these six days.
Upcoming is using a SAR21, kinda afraid as well, but as long as i don't do anything stupid it's gonna be fine. Actually i kinda like the live firing stuff. hmm. Cos usually when you're waiting for your turn, you get to slack. It has been a good wait for my grenade, really. I got to talk to this guy from platoon 1, called ethan, if that's how u spell his name. He was reading the Bible as well when we were waiting for our turn. He's anglican though, so its different from FCF. Got the chance to talk to him about speaking in tongues, christmas, and good friday those kinda stuff. Shared alot with him and i really thank God for that. The talk with him really gave me a sense of comfort before going into the throwing bay. Thinking that our God is really in control of everything, i was less scared. My heart didn't beat as fast as i thought it would. It could've been faster haha.
I gotta say i really thank God for this week, although it has been the most tiring week so far, there were many things that i've learnt. There's just one thing left that i gotta learn, learning how to let go. It's a part of growing up as well i guess. We'll see how it goes. Sometimes i really feel that there are some things better left unsaid. And straight after that, i'll regret.
Oh well, gotta go sleep soon, there's church tomorrow and i'm thinking of going church early to do some proper QT which i haven't been doing for the past few days. Dear God, i really thank You for guiding me through this week, it has been tough but i have felt your presence with me throughout my daily life. This is a time when i really rely on God everyday, every moment, please help me not to forget this need for You. Please.
Brian
9:45 PM
Sunday morning. Woke up at 7. Took my own sweet time and left for church at 8.05. I realised i could do with alot less sleep now, but then maybe i can't last too long like that. So i wanted to talk about the night sky i saw yesterday. It had a really weird vibe to it because of the gradient of the colour across the sky. One end was white and the other dark blue. It was really pretty. Almost as if you could see all the shades of blue all at once. Somehow it gave me the feeling that one side was day and one side was night. Getting caught in between two different worlds, given a choice, which side will you go to? I think i'll choose the night, only because this is Singapore. Everything is slower paced as compared to the day.
Anyway i played DotA with my platoonmates ytd. Played on opposite teams and it was really fun! I hope there'll be more chances to play like this. Maybe got nights out next time den go lan outing or smth wahahahaha.
Church will be a little different today. Used to seeing zixin and wx sitting at the table talking but today both of them are not there already. Gonna be slightly different, but things can't always be the same. Abit sad ah, wx faster come out from confinement please! By then i would have finished my field camp YEAH! Then i would be looking forward to going back because it will physical training instead of combat training. And of course FRISBEE!i'm in it only to win it. Just wait and see. Okay reached outram already. Maybe i'l blog again before i book in later. CYA!
Brian
7:08 PM
I just said thank you to an atm machine. WHAT?!
Brian
7:07 PM
Friday, February 24, 2012
Many things i wanna blog about this week. Many things i've experienced, felt and thought about. Learnt alot of things along the way. Will blog about it tomorrow though. Need to go back in now for RT. Sian diao. Wx is in the coy RIGHT BESIDE ME! YEAHHHHHH! okay blog tomorrow, BYE!
Brian
7:01 PM
Sunday, February 19, 2012
2more hours and i need to be at pasir ris interchange. Even though i said i won't be feeling emo or whatever, i'm starting to feel it. Abit. Maybe it isn't about booking in that i'm feeling sad about though. I think you know what i'm sad about, alot of people know i guess. Question is, am i sad for the correct reasons or not?
Won't be seeing you for quite awhile, its not gonna be easy, again. My mum told me not to think about this too much. Its just gonna be a grave that i'm digging myself and it'll definitely be hard to climb back up.
Its gonna be just 5 days this time round, and i'll get to bookout. That is, if i don't do anything stupid. There's alot of things left that i want to do, that's alot of things i need to do, there are some things that i don't know if i should do. I know i'm weak, so Lord, please help me.
Brian
4:33 PM
God-centered relationship. I've given quite some thought about it, i used to think that relationships are means to learn how to love. I still think that way. But in a certain way there's more to it than that. A relationship with anyone is somewhere that a person is able to learn how to love. Maybe i'm starting to understand this, maybe i'm starting to learn how to love like finally, but it just got me thinking that i'm still a boy. A small little boy.
Brian
1:52 AM
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Back from a long day! Had breakfast with dad and sis in the morn, flicked after that, went for YF! Had dinner with a few brothers, followed by a chatting session. I really am enjoying myself thoroughly during this bookout. Everything can be done at your own pace, no time limit to do certain things, can take our time to walk from point to point, no time limit for food, there's just so many things that i always take for granted. Now, everything seems like a luxury to me. I gotta say i really cherish everything more. Although i'm gonna book in again tomorrow evening, but this bookout was well spent, and that's what's most impt.
Maybe i'll get to share about this some time with somebody, somebody who wants to listen. This week's gonna be tough as well, but i'm pretty sure i won't be crying anymore. I just wanna make sure i have enough sleep tonight, but there are still some things that aren't done yet. Better do things fast so that i can sleep earlier.
You seemed really weird today, totally not your usual self. I don't know if anything happened in this 3 weeks, but i gotta say, i'm abit concerned. Hopefully i'm not paranoid or anything.
Brian
11:57 PM
1st bookout. gt delayed abit, actually cos the sergeants came up abit late to inspect our field packs=.= Oh well it has been a super good experience so far. I really learnt how to cherish the things around me. Just being Singapore is a blessing to me now. Being able to wake slowly from point to point is a luxury. Everything just seems so luxurious now and i'm enjoying my first bookout. As much as i don't wanna waste my time sleeping, i know i have to, cos my body is aching pretty badly. Its a mix of feelings, the time passed very fast and very slow at the same time. Its just weird. I really hope i continue like this though, so that i will always appreciate the things and people around me, not taking them for granted. Tomorrow there's yf yay! hopefully i get to play frisbee in the morning though, gonna represent my company for frisbee YEAH! time to take it up a notch! LETS GO!
Brian
12:07 AM
