Tuesday, January 31, 2012

One more hour until i leave for Pasir Ris interchange. Feeling weightless, feeling happy, feeling ready. I finally understand why i want to go but still have that reluctance. 舍不得. I'm gonna miss my family, i'm gonna miss going to church, miss BASICs, miss you. OKAY at least that's how i really feel right now. Don't laugh at me. Cos i'm still kinda immature.

These two months unlocked and revived alot of things about me. If i had a chance to share, i would. But that'll probably take a long time to finish saying everything.

Its time.


耶和華祝福滿滿

12hours left. comp couldn't type chinese, actually its supposed to be ci fu man man. But yeah, the day has finally came. Its weird but i'm feeling so happy and i really have this peace within me that everything will be aye-okay.

Its really kinda awkward that people are caring for me so much, to be honest i've never been showered by so much care and concern before. All the more i shouldn't take things for granted. Really thankful for all the advice that brothers have given me, thankful that everyone had time and chose to spend it with each other, thankful that prayers were constantly emphasised, thankful that everyone was constantly growing spiritually, thankful that things happened, thankful that i got to know some people more, and you know if i'm gonna continue this list, its never gonna end. Jingyang asked me just now, people can pray for 4hours or more at one go, REALLY MEH? All i said was to think about what God did in your life, that's enough for you to pray for a LONG time, not forgetting that it is important that we pray for others as well, encouraging and giving that extra boost by remembering them in our prayers. I gotta say i learnt alot in these short two months, it wasn't wasted like i thought it would be, that in itself, is a blessing from God. There's just so many things i want to say, but it would cause this whole post to be more lengthy. All i hope is that i don't forget what happened in these two months so that i can always be reminded about whatever i learnt and apply it in my spiritual battle.

I guess today is special? In a way, in many ways. Thankful to God that if not for Him, things would've been ugly. It was a crazy move with a godly motive, and this certainly made my faith so much stronger. What the future holds? i don't know, but He knows. As for now, i'm feeling peaceful deep down in my heart. Army? I AM GO!

Monday, January 30, 2012

There's a song that really conveys my feelings now. Weightless - All Time Low

Manage me, I'm a mess
Turn a page, I'm a book half unread
I wanna be laughed at, laughed with, just because
I wanna feel weightless and that should be enough

If I could just find the time
Then I would never let another day go by

And I'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere*

'Cause I've been going crazy, I don't wanna waste another minute here*

I wanna feel weightless 'cause that would be enough

This ain't all the lyrics. But its these sentences that really tell how i feel now. I really feel weightless cause that is enough.

Now i know got some people who will read this blog. So, i gotta say this. I'M NOT EMO! HAHAHAHAHA


Stay calm. Please.


Woah. Really can't sleep. Well there really is a first for everything. Gotta pray for wisdom in my speech and please let me have the right intentions and heart for doing this. I'm really afraid of what will happen, but i leave it to God. I chose to do this, so i gotta be thankful of whatever the outcome may be. Can't help but to think, is this the right thing to do?


1 day left. Last day to be crazy. I think i will be.

Today was a crazy day! Reached church at a record breaking 8.25am! oh yeah! Zixin passed me the cd of photos today, THANKS ZIXIN! Lingchung passed me a letter which i'm supposed to open on tuesday night, THANKS LINGCHUNG! Chenxi passed me a letter too, THANKS CHENXI! Chenxing passed me something as well, THANKS CHENXING! I'm really so thankful that i have BASICs there to encourage me, pray for each other alright! :D

Choir today was so fun as well! Did warmups as usual and for some reason, we managed to learn the song quite fast! We didn't sound that good together though but that's why we need the practices! I'm only left with 4 practices though, really pray that God can help me serve Him better even though i only have 4 practices left.

Then there was badminton and bball! I really gotta say, i SUCK at bball. AND badminton=.= guess i only can throw the disc huh :( Oh well, that's enough for me HAHA

Gonna miss all these outings, but hey, if life was always fun and laughter, how are you able to suffer for God? Think positive! Think in a godly manner.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Hymn 347: i need Jesus

I think the chinese translation for the title is a bit off? It says more like i want Jesus rather than i need. Its good to want, but we only want Him when we are facing troubles. We need to realise that we need Him, no matter what.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Back from another long day! (Soon it'll be long weeks! HAHA) For some weird reason i was seeing and feeling so many things i usually won't in a normal day. The TARDS planned an outing for me, though it was not the perfect outing i have to say, people pangseh, people complaining that it was boring and want to go home. erggghhh, but still i thank you guys for planning this :D

Got my watch at compass point and little did i expect that a thought would've triggered in my mind. I saw the watch that i wanted immediately when i went into the shop but the shop uncle was attending to another 2 customers so he asked me to wait. So i was looking at all the watches on display. Suddenly, BAM! It hit me. I was feeling so intimidated by all the watches ticking, they displayed different times and the ticking was different as well. Time is such a fascinating thing to think about. Everyone's view on it is different, it depends on what you're doing, who you're with and what you're thinking. It can be very fast or it can be very slow. Brought me back to the theory of relativity, everything is relative. When we compare our suffering to what Jesus suffered during his 33years on Earth, everything seems so peaceful and smooth. But well, time is still something i don't really dare to comment on.

2nd thing that happened today. I cried during the movie, "We Not Naughty". To be honest, I DON'T KNOW WHY I CRIED? SO scary! i didn't think i would cry during movies. I'm not a person that would cry easily, maybe because i cried too much when i was young. For some reason, there were alot of things i could relate to in this movie. There are alot of times when we treat our parents the way they treat us, in a bad way. From their point of view, they will think that they can do this because they are our parents but we will think that its unfair, and thus the rise of a miscommunication. The part where the most tears flowed was when the teacher was chasing his students, telling them why its wrong for them to work for the loansharks and how it will affect their future. I say first okay, i'm NOT involved in things like that but what the 2 students said was really how i felt 2 years ago. I'm already in this state, so what if anything happens to me? I am in such a lousy school, what future is there for me? Furthermore, i retained in this lousy school! What else do you want from me? I had these thoughts 2 years back. I got reminded of myself, and i just couldn't help it, but cry.

Third thing was dinner at timbre! Food was great, so was the price=.= BUT it was definitely worth it. Now i really wanna learn singing so that i can sing at places like that next time. There was this guy who pulled off many songs very well! First time i've heard a Singaporean sing SO well! Its really a satisfying feeling when people are enjoying their food while listening to you sing, and most importantly, they enjoy it. I don't care about the pay, as long as people enjoy listening to me singing, its definitely worth it. I'm not good enough now, so i'll continue to try harder!

Crying isn't a bad thing, i was just surprised because i always find it difficult to cry.


BEST DAY EVARRRR!

Just came back from an evening with BASICs and i gotta say i've never felt so loved :) It just pumps me up thinking that i'm gonna be okay in tekong. When i think about how God has put them into my life, it really gives me motivation! Need concrete evidence? There'll be photos from Zixin! I really hope i'm not treating this as the end like what Hongen said. Its really important to enjoy time with one another but at the same time we don't just enjoy each other's company but to encourage each other in this spiritual battle in our everyday lives! I really hope i don't forget this important lesson that i've learnt in this 2 months if not i would've just been wasting my time. Thanks everybody for taking out time today! And i thank God as well for putting them into my life! :D

From here on its gonna be army stuff and there'll be more in the future haha.
I'm gonna write down what i shared just now so that 3weeks later i can see if i overcame the challenges that i think i would face.

1. Speech
Alot of people have been telling me that what you say will be greatly affected. Its really true, but when i think more into it, if i never say it out loud but in my mind i actually mean those words then it works the same way as well. So it ain't about the actions, its about the heart and ultimately what dictates ur actions is your heart. Yeah it really works that way. Just have to guard my heart which is equal to my actions and thoughts.

2. Lust
I never really thought about this problem before until lingchung told me. It really was a great reminder to myself and other brothers who are going into the army. Even if you could resist it, there are bound to be people who would bring related stuff into the camp and then they will start to influence you. At the same time, when they start to influence you, its a really good time to be a good testimony! I mean people will see that you're different and may think why you're like that. Then subsequently i'll be able to spread the gospel to them and invite them to our church! I'll never know what God has in plan for me in army. Gotta look forward to it!

3. Focus
I'm really afraid of this and that's why i put it as my last point. I think i'm that kind of person that finds it VERY hard to start something, but once i made the decision i'll go all out. Well at least that was how i acted during a leadership camp during my NPCC times in Nan Chiau. I really don't want myself to go for all the worldly pride and glory like going into OCS or whatever to make myself feel more zai. Its really bad when it turns out that way. My focus will be shifted to something that is so off from what i'm supposed to be striving towards. Which is to glorify God in whatever i do.

I really hope i will be able to do whatever i hope i can achieve in there and somehow, army seems like a really good place! A lot of advice from the brothers and encouragement from everyone really REALLY goes a long way. Gotta remember what i learnt and apply it in my everyday life. FIGHTING!

Friday, January 27, 2012

What a weird night. I can't sleep properly, i'm waking up like every 2hours. Getting to sleep was a torture. Maybe it was because i slept during the day? Or is it because of other reasons? Ahh don't care le la. Thinking of all these will just make it worse.

Haven't packed my army bag yet. Saw the list of items to bring in. Seems like a alot though, don't know if my bag is big enough to bring all the things listed. Alamak. Everything seems so fast. Just let me enjoy a few more days before i enter. Please Brian, stop thinking about it already. You have no time for that. Guess i can only pray about this because i know God will help me if its coherent with his plan for me.


I'm kind of addicted already. REALLY.

Back from dinnering with sis and cousin. I gotta say i guess jiaying was right in saying i would have regretted it. But as of now, not really. That feeling of being overfull is so jialat. But i didn't know what happened to my policy of shi jien bu duo le. Though i really thank God i went to spend time with my cousins. Ahhh stupid me. So stupid you know, Brian? You seriously don't know how to think.

After looking at jiaying's sketchbook, i really want a drawing from her! Its so pretty! i like the sunflower best! Is it because i'm a bee? Nah see you're being stupid again, Brian. Hmm should i go asking her for it? But she's kinda busy too. Better not right? And i wonder if she's willing to draw something for me, what will she draw? A pig? A bee? A pig with a bee's head eating friedrice served in a frisbee?! SO FUNNY JUST THINKING ABOUT IT. HAHAHAHAHA

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Really shouldn't have went home to sleep. Sleep liao den dun wanna go out zzz. Now i fee l so bad. I dunno why i just have a tendency to do these kinda stuff. Pangseh people den regret it after that. ALO BRIAN WAD'S YOUR PROBLEM!

But i gotta say, this is the first time i pangseh people den after awhile regret and go. SORRY COUSINS AND SIS! :(
Why did i do this? I don't know. Or maybe i do. Anyway TIME TO CHIONG.


Just had a small talk with weimin laoshi and really! Im so glad God gave me this chance to talk to her about so many things!i really think she's the only adult in church i can really talk to? And its really really personal stuff not jusmy first t some random conversation. I got alot of advice from her and it really helped me sort out alot of my thoughts and how i should be looking at things. Once again i thank God for letting me have this conversation with wmls so that in a way i'll be more prepared for army. I wouldn't know how army will be like, i dont even know how i will spend this remaining 5 days. I just hope that in everything i do, i'll do it with God as my first priority and that i'll learn to reply and depend on him more in my everyday life. God, please guard my heart in the upcoming weeks so that i won't do anything crazy.


Yeahh! Managed to flick and play bball for the last time before i ride the ferry. ERGHHH. but wow i managed to throw a bball. Awesome stuff, hopefully sunday won't rain den can bball before playing badminton. Well, cliche stuff but yeah 5 days left. One hand le. As what lingchung said, as long as there's still time left i gotta constantly prepare myself especially in the mind for the army. No time to waste.

Really glad i had the short talk with wx ytd. And im REALLY GLAD. Managed to say whatever i want to say. Never thought i'd have a htht with wx before though. I guess God really surprises me everytime(in a good way!) Now off to meet weiminlaoshi. Few days left, expecting quite a bit of htht here and there. And there's always this hope.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Fun day today with lunch at jingrong laoshi's house and the rest of the afternoon and night at weimin laoshi's house. FUN! Arghh gonna miss all these in abit. I dunno how other view this but oh well, i'm really feeling neutral about it. Really really neutral.

Had a really weird train ride back home. From serangoon to hougang usually takes like 6min? Tonight it seemed very very long. Maybe it feels this way when i'm thinking of stuff.

6days left. Really gotta arrange my thoughts and prepare myself to go into army. I really thank everyone who gave me advice for army. Especially these two days when i saw so many people. So many things i already know about army and so many things that i have to experience it for myself.

The future is always unknown, there are so many things i don't know. Its just frustrating when you want to know some things that you don't.

Monday, January 23, 2012

多的是 你不知道的事.

Argh. You know its hard to treat someone as a friend when you have feelings for that person?
You wouldn't know the boundary because you become a fool. A complete fool.
I'll just leave it there. Or maybe i'll just learn not to care anymore.


My uncle just asked me a very simple question. What do you get when you mix black and white? Well the answer is obvious. I said black.
When did i become so complicated? I guess i really think too much sometimes. Thinking of too many things which is unnecessary and gives too much pain.

Stop thinking so much.
How?


Had a really fun at gu ma's house today! Played Devil May Cry 4 on ps3 the whole afternoon! But then i will have motion sickness when playing consoles WHYYYY den there was dinner and karoke session! My cousins bought this karoke machine like 6 months back and no one knew how to fix it LOL den my dad came over and fixed it in like an hour and we all enjoyed it alot. Singing takes the pain away. It really does.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

I know the Lord will make a way for me,
I know the Lord will make a way for me,
If i look to Him and pray,
Darkest night will turn to day,
I know the Lord will make a way for me.

I really really like this hymn, simple yet it means so much to me.
In many aspects of my life, this hymn covers it all.
So let me memorise this, so that i may be comforted by this fact that He will make a way for me.

Gotta practise what i preach, time to sleep.


I used to be a simple person. Eating simple, wearing simple clothes, thinking simple.
When did i become like this until i can't understand myself anymore?
I guess i was happy in the last month. Now i'm just thinking, thinking too much like a fool.
How many times must i go through this until i finally learn my lesson?
I can't be alone. I'll be emo. Yet, i like being like this. Its a weird world, or maybe its just me.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Six feet under the stars - All Time Low

I find myself listening to this song, once again.

"I should've known better than to call you out, on a night like this."

Thursday, January 19, 2012

After all these, i feel all the more i should forget. ARGHHH RAGE! But i shouldn't be raging. Its my own fault anyway, i just hope God will help me to forget completely and not leave anything. I guess this is adding another reason as to why i want to go army? Cos i won't get reminded over and over again. Forget about it, PLEASE.


"Have faith and trust in God's magnificent plans for you."
I don't want this to become my excuse.


Back from lunch at bukit timah marketplace and guess what i ate there? CAI FAN, BORING! Yeah i'm a very boring person. Same 2 people who brought me to eat xlb went today. Okay la considering it being a very last minute thing cause we only asked last night. HAHA

Alot of things in this world are weird. Including me. And what i think and feel is weird as well. Hmm maybe one day it won't be weird anymore.

It’s a weird world don’t you know it?
It’s a weird world and it won’t slow down
It’s a weird world no matter how you roll it


Well ytd was fun! Didn't really feel like going at first because my cousins were asking me to pon prayer meeting. Obviously i don't wanna pon la, den i got abit turned off by that and didn't feel like going. I'm still glad that i went though. Became a kid all over again, maybe because i've never really been to these kinda places for a VERY LONG time. Aiyah but motion sickness killed me. Headache all the way. As of now, when i remember those rides, my head is spinning again. WHY AM I SO WEAK?! LOL

Couldn't really focus on yanqun laoshi's sharing also. my head just kept spinning. Constantly felt like vomitting. BAD feeling. Anyway yeah, glad that chenxing has found his job! Finally ah, after so long AND he's still got so long more to go. I only have 12 days... What am i to do in this 12 days?

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Woke up in the middle of the night by the sound of the rain. I'll usually hate that feeling, but last night was special. It really sounded like a neverending crash of waves onto the shoreline. Maybe it was partly because of i was half-awake, i could close my eyes and imagine i was sitting on a beach.

"And when it rains, on this of town it touches everything."

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

I've fallen into a quicksand. The more i struggle, the deeper i sink. I've tried to make it less obvious, but maybe to others and not to you. Maybe you already knew, maybe you don't, though i really hope its the latter. So that it won't end up being awkward, at least for you. I'll try my best, i really will, just so that i can forget you. It may sound really dumb 10years later when i look back at this, but at least this is how i really felt. What i feel 这些年, will eventually become 那些年.

A whole day at home, my mum noticed i was a bit down. Yeah i was. I couldn't tell you that, because you will ask me why and i wouldn't have been able to say it. Even if you know, please don't let me know, i may not be able to take it. I'm going into the army soon, by then everyday will be so full of activities that i might not even remember you at all. Except for the time when people are allowed to call. I'll leave that to later, i just want to sort out this feeling i had for 2years now. Its clinging unto to tightly i haven't been able to shake it off. Think i gotta be stronger in order to shake it away. Or maybe a little more heartless.


Sometimes i wish i could cry instead of keeping it in.
Maybe that'll make me feel better.
Crying alone is kinda hard.


I'm feeling weird. I haven't ate anything since i woke up and haven't been hungry since then, if that makes any sense to you. I just wanna stay in my room and just be alone, at least for a day. Going out with BASICs is fun and great and it means everything to me. I just don't know why i'm feeling this way, sometimes i hope God would just take it away.


Hi there!

Good day with BASICs once again, crystal jaded(with 4 different fried rice YEAH?!) and kbox-ed, with a little randomness of seeing jay chou. WOAHH

Little misunderstanding in the mornz, little things here and there that sorta affected me and my sister. Hope everything will go well. In God's eyes.

Made me think, when will i finally be six feet under the stars?

Maybe i ain't getting my motives right in the end... i told myself to forget, guess i failed...

Sunday, January 15, 2012

"Six feet under the stars is a place that doesn't exist. It's a place in your mind where everything and anything is possible. It's a place with no rules or limitations. It's a place where only two people can be at a time where no one can judge them and no one could try to break them apart."
-Alex Gaskarth

Hmm didnt really think about what six feet under the stars really meant. I always thought it was about this guy who feels unworthy of dating a girl. Well its partially true but it wasn't the intended meaning. So yeah. I wish i could be six feet under the stars nonetheless.

Ytd was DJT! Argh, i've been ponning djt for so many months now and i was glad i didn't pon ytd's one! Pastor Soonyong talked about Ezekiel and boy the sermon had so many lessons i had to learn! His humble heart that was willing to serve God was the biggest lesson and reminder to me ytd. I really have to learn that, and i really think its gonna take me years to fully learn this lesson.

This morning's sermon reminded me that our God is emotional as well. It is a comforting fact that He has emotions but at the same time scary. Its scary when He unleashes His violent and angry side but to know that He understands what we're going through, the pain and the suffering and the torment, its really comforting. Especially when He experienced all the emotions a hundred fold more, we can't argue that we are suffering more than He did.

WEEEEE! Went to watch ULTIMATE matches today. Thought there was only 1 den in the end gt 4 or 5 going on simultaneously at once and i missed so many good plays cos jiaying was there like "NICE!" "NICE ONE!" "NICE!" den i missed everything=.= sian diao but just by watching them play my jaw dropped. Perfect throws, imba speed, oinbgkvdf jumping power. I guess i really need army to toughen me up den i can play this sport well. Motivation: +1

Haha and i remembered what i dreamt of in TY camp last year! Gotta write this down before i forget. I told this to Rixi before, dunno if he still remembers it though. I remember all of us playing in a room. Seemed like it was in a camp's setting, we were just playing board games. I was the last to reach and when i went in, guess who i saw? ZIXIN! den i was going all crazy and high cos i didn't know she came back so i was SOOO HAPPY! den after that shouting and screaming, i went out to look for a water dispenser. Just round the corner, JIAYING POPPED OUT! den i was screaming and shouting again! HAHAHA and ended up we pranked the people who were in the room, although i forgot how :| Come to think of it, i didn't really talk to jiaying and zixin before they flew off. But somehow little actions by them made me miss them really bad when they were overseas(especially when we were all in the same sunday school class). Gotta learn to cherish people around me more. Grow a heart.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Just went to read up on some of the meanings behind the song Therapy by All Time Low, and little did i know that it would have such a history. Alex's brother committed suicide in a car crash and the whole song was written based on that event. It has a mixture of so many emotions that really displays his feelings toward his brother's death. Now that i know the song better, maybe i'll sing it better as well...


"Charmanders are red,
Squirtles are blue,
I'll fight the Elite Four,
Be the champion for You.

Bet you never knew,
A girl like you,
Is rare as Mew.

You HM05 up my life,
Gave me HM04 to survive.
I'd give you all my gym badges,
Just to stay with you for ages.
You masterball-ed my heart,
Now please, don't break it apart.

You are more exciting than wild pok'emon appearing out of tall grass,
I'd take you out on a movie date, X-men First Class.
I use Repel for Zubats and Rattata,
For you I'll put on cologne and drive a car."

I thought this is rather cool. Quoted from a friend's little space.


I think I'm on a roll
Here in Little Rock
I'm solid as a stone
Wait and see
I got just one small problem
Here in Little Rock
Without you
Baby I'm not me

Little Rock - Collin Raye

Monday, January 9, 2012

back on this little space! well 30min more and its 21more days to army! argh i gotta stop talking about army so much. well yeah i've been busy! busy having fun! yayyyyyy some BASICs came to our house ytd to watch movie and play with autumn! not mentioning our secrets that got exposed=.=

i knew it was gonna be a rough lesson tonight and indeed, it really was. Well, that's not a bad thing, but if i listened to the lesson and take no action to apply it in my daily life, it will be. Its difficult to understand how everything has to be allowed by God, although its done with our own free will but God allowed it to happen? and God actually shows his glory through our sins? ahhhh i dunno if its the right word but in a sense that if there's no sin, there wouldn't be a need for Jesus to go up on the cross. Sin originated from man and God did not create sin. It was because of our sinful nature which caused us to sin and put Jesus on the cross, crucifying Him once and again when we sin. I guess the part which struck me the most today was that Balaam was a PAGAN SORCERER?! and that he knew and understood something all of us ought to know and understand as well - Numbers 22:18 [But Balaam answered them, "Even if Balak gave me all the silver and gold in his palace, I could not do anything great or small to go beyond the command of the Lord my God."] I gotta learn to understand this, but first, more reading of the Bible is required as well...

so many things i want to do, so little time, so many things i'll miss out on eventually...

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Gonna give myself some time. Well, no one said this is gonna be easy.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

God, i thank You for letting me know what to do. I just have to do what i'm supposed to do now.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

有沒有一首歌會讓你想起我

My dad has always been singing 周華健's songs since i was young. Hmm and i think he's the first singer i really really like. haha and since i like to sing as well, this question actually pops up in my mind once in awhile. AND I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THIS SONG UNTIL YTD sian diao. But yeah, this song should really be my song since i like singing so much. Oh well, i just like this song. HAHA

For now, she will be the unfinished puzzle of my heart...


:D feel rather relieved and happy now. talking to my best buds always helps me to identify more and more of my own wishful thinking.

was talking to xavier and teng just now and wowwwww it has been so long since we sat and talked like that, enjoyed it. I guess alot of times we ourselves cant see it. We're always trapped in that wishful thinking of ours making it seem like it all makes sense, but in fact, it doesn't. There's so many possibilities of what something could've meant and i had to insist it meant that way. Oh well, but after showing them, i realised that it could mean so many other things! I'm also starting to treat you more like a friend, i guess? I don't have that kind of nervousness i would have when talking to a girl i like. Hmm i guess God really wants me to forget huh? I shall live everyday as it is right now. Its really not under my control, except the choice to pray :D

Just realised that there isn't any prayer meeting today. THANKS JIAYING! i don't even know if you're reading this. but THANKS ANYWAY HAHA! if not i would've went there and wasted my time. But now i have to find something else to do. Hmm...

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Hi there! was too caught up in looking through the YF retreat photos and listening to oldies that i forgot to post! haha

had a imba huge dilemma ytd - pickup or biblestudy. Well, in the end i went for bible study and i felt really bad towards Hudson because in the end he didn't go for the pickup. Why? Because i pangseh him:( i feel really really bad. But man! i gotta say, if i missed the biblestudy ytd, i would've missed out on so much more!

So we looked at Numbers 21:10-35. Little did i know, the invasion of Canaan only began in Numbers 21:10! Before that, they didn't take possession of any of the places until Heshbon and Bashan where Kings Sihon and Og reigned. Its a comforting fact that God is our warrior and that he fights for us, but its a scary fact that God can be very very violent as well (Revelation 19:11-21).

God is our Provider as well! Numbers 21:16-18, God gave them water to drink and from these few verses we saw how God provided. People had to be gathered and mind you, there wasn't things called the loudhailer or speakers or radio or walkie talkies back then where information can be sent out very fast? It was difficult to gather so many people in one place. God then asked the Israelites to dig a well and mind you again, there was no machines back then to help you dig a hole back then. As for digging a well, no one had an experience of digging a real well but you know its hard work when you know the process of digging a well. Who dug the well? Might be shocking to you, but there were princes and nobles who dug the well. With what? With their scepters and staffs. This was how humble they were at that point in time when they saw how Almighty God was. Man i really gotta learn this lesson of being humble. Putting down my ego and do things for God instead of myself.

Pastor soonyong also said that God provides BUT we must take the action to get it. Just like how God provided them with water but they still have to dig the well THEMSELVES. There's simply no contradiction. At all. You just have to pray about it, do something about it, and accept the outcome. It is in these decisions that we make that we are able to glorify God. I don't know how to say this but i'm ALWAYS stuck at the praying part. Not having enough courage to do something. Especially when pastor sy gave the example of a bgr. Pray about it, ask her out, whether she says yes or no, accept it. But the thing is, what happens if she has a boyfriend? I mean you can't help it when it comes to feelings like that right? It just happens! Do i still go ahead to ask her out? Wouldn't that seem like i'm trying to break them up or smth? What am i supposed to do when it comes to things like this? I guess pastor sy is the only pastor who is constantly reminding us teens/youths about relationships. About how we should be glorifying God through our relationships. And that is REALLY important because everyone of us teens/youths experience that and it is something that adults usually avoid telling us.

I just hope i'll be able to have the courage to do something. I'm afraid. So afraid that everything would be back to square one or even worse. It may make me feel bad coming to church.

Psalm 119:105 "You word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path."

Sunday, January 1, 2012

So, there were so many things that took place in the last 3 days! went for the YF retreat camp, kenny's house to stayover and youth lunch a few hours ago. and HEY! its 2012! we'll see if the world really ends this year HAHA

Man, i gotta say i teared up when i heard about pastor soonyong's brother-in-law. About how he wanted to do something for the teens so much that he was willing to forsake his job and disciple the teens. After which he got cancer and 6months later, he died. 10days before his daughter was born. Yeah, a tear dropped down when i heard the last part. i had no idea how he survived that 3 months of being jobless until the church employed him, but i gotta say that's an example of giving your everything to God. There are some things in life on earth that we know are right in God's eyes, and its all written in the Bible. However, there are some things in life that isn't explicitly stated in the Bible and we just have to wait till it happens den we can safely say its all God's plans for us. I find this lesson extremely difficult to learn. Just look at how many of these choices we have to make aren't explicitly stated in the Bible, and how many times did we use our own human means to solve our problems? I guess many many many times. This is why life is tough, and we must depend on God rather than ourselves. Put down your pride, bro.

Ahh sorry to everyone who messages me or whatsapp me. because i can't seem to reply them instantly! SORRY! i'm not the type that carry my phone and pay attention to my phone everywhere i go. A lot of people has always complained that it is hard to contact me and that's just because people seldom contact me! but yeah i know its my problem. just like how lingchung always reminds me i should check my email once in awhile cos there might be something important in there. gotta remind myself more of this!

haha and weimin laoshi said that she will meet us soon for a HTHT! YAY! i dunno why but she's the only adult that i am really comfortable with. i can tell her EVERYTHING, from all my weaknesses to even the girl i like! HAHAHAHA i'm pretty sure she won't tell you^^ but anyway yeah i'm really looking forward to talking to her again since the last time was cny. in 2011. oh well, i just hope i can straighten out my thoughts after talking to her since she's the one who's married :D

Happy New Year, everyone!
I hope that i will be able to walk closer with God in my everyday life despite the bad environment that the army provides. FIGHTING!

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